Okay, serious skrg aku tatau ape perasaan sbnr aku. Sama ade keliru, sedih, risau atau ape. Mungkin lebih kepada keliru.

Skrg baru aku btul2 sedar sbnr nya ayah aku tgh sakit. Ada kemungkinan sakit yg tak normal tp stil tak tau sakit ape. Sbnr nya ayah aku mmg da lama sakit tp mungkin sblm nie aku dlm state of denial. Well, ignorance is a bliss. Aku slame nie tau ayah aku cam kurang sihat tp aku pura2 cam tak tau up until smalam kat cameron highlands. Kitorang mmg la jalan2 cam bese kat citu have fun and everything. Ayah aku mmg muka cam x larat sbb penyakit pening dia tuh. Aku fikir benda tu benda biasa sbb ayah aku mmg slame nie asyik pening jek.

Tp time mlm tu time lepak kat bilik mak ngan ayah, tibe2 jek ayah ckp sumthing. Sumthing yg sbgai anak korang x mo dgr. Ayah aku tetibe jek ckp kat kakak suruh kakak aku langsai kan sume hutang dia. Aku memula wat muke cam hepi tetibe diam. Sumorang diam. Aku dok perhatikan muka ayah. Nmpak mata dia dh merah. Pastu mmg aku pintas dia ckp kenapa ayah ckp camnih. Pastu ayah gelak2 jek. Dia cam nk cover muka dia yg nk nanges tuh.

Balik bilik tuh, sorang2 anak ayah nanges. Firstly, stat ngan aku pasal aku mmg tgh shock gile. Last2 sume nanges. Aku lak time tuh mmg tahan lagi pastu decide nk pi dok jap bilik mak ngan ayah. Time tuh aku mmg try control gila perasaan. Aku serius wat muke cam hepi padahal dlm ati sbnr nya Allah saje yg tau betapa aku menahan perasaan time tuh. Betapa sedih nya dlm hati Allah saje yg tau. Aku pandang muka ayah jek aku rase nk nanges tp aku tahan. Time mak aku nk mandi sat, ayah dok lepak atas katil ngan muke cam penat pasal mkn ubat. Cam biasa dia tgk la majalah3. Aku lak time tuh tibe2 mmg langsung x dpt tahan perasaan dok nanges kat katil single kosong kat seblah tu. Mmg cover abes muka ngan selimut. Mmg aku nanges dlm diam time tuh. Bile time ayah aku mandi baru aku tunjuk kat mak yg aku nangis. Yg aku sbnr nye btul2 sedih ngan condition ayah... tp aku x mo tunjuk kat ayah yg aku menangis. aku x mo wat dia risau ;(

Pastu td lagi skali dia ckp ngan kakak sulung aku suruh dia jaga kitorang adik beradik pulak. Aku mmg x leh tahan. Cara dia ckp dia cam gambar kn yg dia btol2 cam da x pjg usia. Aku tak tau nape dia nk ckp camtuh. Wat aku sedih sgt2. Serius sedih. Ayah aku sbnr nye lum jmpe doktor pakar agi. Dia jenis tipikal org2 tua yg x ske gi hospital. Bagi dia klinik is enough. But then takat ubat klinik boleh wat ape la sgt cuz they don't know ape penyakit sbnr dia. Ubat yg dia bg pon lom tentu btul. Ayah aku lak mmg consistently makan ubat smpai aku rase dose dadah pn cam da byk. It's a painkiller, I'm guessing.

Aku sbnr nye lum ready agi kalau2 ayah pergi dlm mase terdekat. Selama nie dia sgt kuat, dia yg paling kuat dlm family nie sbb dia sorang jek lelaki. And aku sbnr nye tak leh trime yg dia sakit. Dia skang da tak rajin nk gurau2 ngan kitorang sume, especially ngan aku. Sedikit sebanyak, aku rindu ngan gurauan dia. Aku rindu ngan ayah yg slalu happy dok usik anak2 pompuan dia. Aku rindu segala nya. Aku blum nk lagi dia pergi. Aku x dpt terime.

Lagi skrg aku kesian ngan mak aku. Depan ayah, dia tunjuk diri dia sgt tabah. Sgt2 tabah. Tp depan aku, dia x mampu tahan air mata. Mak aku perempuan, so dia tak la sekuat mana. Aku tak tau ape nk jadi kalau anything happen pasal mak aku dh biasa selalu ngan ayah. diorang jarang berpisah lama. And mak aku sbnr nya x sekuat mana. Aku tau pasal aku anak dia. And aku sebagai anak mmg nk support dia. Cube pegang dia selagi aku mampu walaupn aku sendiri rase x mampu nk pegang diri sendiri kalau jadi ape2...

Mak aku ckp sbnr nya ayah aku risau. Dia sgt risau kalau jadik ape2 sape nk jaga anak2 pompuan dia. Sbb selama nie mmg dia jenis yg took care of his daughters no matter what happen. dia jenis yg sgt overprotective. Kalau balik lmbt sket jek mesti dia risau habis. Dia risau nnt kalu dia takde, camne makan minum anak dia? Camne ngan life anak dia? Dia risau sume tu... tp aku pn rase ayah aku nie lemah semangat skit. Belum tau lagi penyakit sbnr and dia cam da putus asa. Aku sbnr nya teringin sgt pegang tgn dia and bagi kata2 semangat, jgn putus asa, jgn putus.. tp aku hanya mampu pegang and pandang dia. Tak mampu nk ckp ape2... aku mmg x reti nk borak pasal mende2 ni ngan dia. slame nie aku tukang bagi support kat mak aku jek pasal selama nie hanya mak jer yg lemah dan memerlukan sokongan. Ayah aku slame nie tough enough without my support. Skrg nie? Aku pn tatau nk watpe...

Anyway, seriously praying hard for his own safety. Doa supaya dia pjg umur. Aku atleast nk biar dia tgk aku berjaya. Berjaya bagi scroll ijazah kat dia. Atleast tgk aku besar smpai aku kahwin... Ape2 pn, aku still anak ayah...

;(

There's a huge difference between someone who be friend with me because of the benefits and someone who be friend with me because he/she really likes to be my friend. I'd prefer the second type of course.

But yeah, the first type do exist,
and yes,
she doesn't even bothered to read my blog
nor even bothered to know anything new from me
only cared about her own self
I'm disappointed

:(

Yesterday went to see the dentist. Honestly I don't really favor going to the dentist. Those who have know me from primary school will seriously know how I used to really hate dentist. But now, whether I like it or not, it's not an option. I started seeing the dentist frequently when I finally see the serious need of having braces. Started wearing braces since 2007 and have it opened late 2008. But fortunate not, my teeth right now are not as straight as I have hoped for. So yes finally yesterday went to see the freaking dentist again after quite a long time. I soooo don't like it.

So yesterday went to Klinik Pergigian Chuah. Second time went there. First time is only for filling but then the doctor said that the tooth can't be healed (donno to use what word) just by using filling. So he suggest to use crowning instead. I do take my time to think over it because crowning for one tooth ain't that cheap. Rm500 per tooth ooo~ serious not that cheap. Can buy a new handphone summore. But then after think of many times and I told my father about that, he said that he willing to sponsor it for me. I donno la if u guys noticed, but one of my tooth is kind of decaying and looks not nice so yeah, best option is to do crowning.

Forgot to say that somehow I refused to go the previous clinic that I used to go for braces. I kinda hate the doctors, very rude, even to the customers. I finally realized that when I went to this klinik Chuah. The doctor is from UM. And very2 gentle towards patient. I can seriously see the huge difference there. Even when he injected the pain killer, I felt no pain at all. He even asked me many times when doing the the treatment whether I feel any pain or not. And, no, I can't feel any single pain. Very good la the doctor~

For those who don't know what crowning is, it's like replacing the old tooth with brand new tooth. But different ek with the gigi palsu. Nothing to do with that. Just need to remove the not so nice tooth and kind of put the new one to cover the old one. Very hard to explain so better google yourself to know more.

Right now need to wait for another week for the crowning to be ready. Then only I can have it on my tooth. Right now the tooth only covered by a slim filling and can break if I don't take care of it. Can not eat those hard things, very hard la~ Planning to do another crowning with my another tooth that look not so nice but, with my own money. Don't want to ask from my father to burden him. So yeah, just use my own money la.

Very long time I never use English in my posting so it feels kind of awkward. Don't want my English to rot so yes finally decided to update in English~ There you go~~

Semalam pi Sunway Piramid dgn bestfrens aku yg kami hanye berkesempatan berjumpa 2-3 kali jek setahun. Sedey x? Haha~ x kesah, yg penting we have fun setiap kali jmpa weeee~~!! Cadangan asal Pika nk bwk keta tp mungkin la ayah dia x caye ngan kitorang so terpakse la nek teksi jek. Xpe2 merase gak arr nek keta Pika bwk smalam. Time nk alik huhu~ Kitorang pi la tgk transformers and men boling 1 game. Best oo~ Lupe nk ckp transformers mmg seriously best. Kalu x tgk mmg rugi ar. Teknik CGI yg sgt mantap oo~smart seyh~ feeling sedih gile mase optimus prime mati tp x nanges ler hehe~ Dok 2jam 30minit mmg enjoy abes la. Tp ade la skali tu mmg kacau tol pasal tetibe gambar dia hilang kejap. Da la time tu tgh syok enjoy tgk dia lawan. And seriously mmg lawak abes ler citer nie. Cume satu jek, lawak kotor yg terlampau byk~

Um, gambar terpakse di super resized kn pasal page aku da penoh gile ngan gambar oo~

Najmah, Me, Pika

Aku punye markah paling tinggi ooo~ (padahal kalah kat saat2 akhir haha~)

Saje gatal2 tangkap gambar b4 masuk kat wayang tuh~

Ni la frenship bracelets yg kitorang bli smalam~

Najmah pkai kan tok Pika~

Aku pkai kn tok Najmah

And Pika pkai kn tok aku~ Lengkap la satu pusingan heee~~

Amek gambar dpn toilet hoho~

Cam bese dlm toilet gak jadik mangsa~

Sgt fun~ Lenkali nk pi agi~ Kite gi go-kart lak ek~Heee~~

Um agak pelik sbnr nya bila hopping around facebook and blogs pastu terjumpa rakan2 skolah lame punye page. Aku sbnr nya trus terang kate kat cni aku agak sedey tgk rmai gak la antara diorang ney da stat trend free hair. padahal dulu sume ayu gile pakai tudung. bkn nk kate aku bagos pkai tudung tp hey~ sedey kut tgk kawan2 lame (walaupn x rapat) jadik camtuh. Them all used to wear the hijab. Nk kate culture shock, sume dak bandar lak tuh. Don't know what to say anymore. Mungkin kah trend semata2 tatau la. Aku mmg da x bape contact ngan diorang nie agi dh. Siyes sedey tgk rakan2 dulu sume rmai da free hair.

Well just my 2 cents~

Kat cni la tmpt dia wat majlis kawen tu.
MATRADE

Teringat lak time dinner INTECHSS dolu2~Besau gile gak arr dewan dia~

Posing kat dlm lif hehe~

Dessert time tuh~Not bad just ok la~

Nasi tomato terbaek makan ngan rendang tok. Siap tambah tu~~

Nyum2~

Butter prawn sgt superb~ tp pastu mmg ade side effect la hoho~

Ni mkn utk 10 people~

Tgk air same kaler ngan baju aku~ x ley blah~

Mak ngan ayah muda forever ;)

Pelamin jauh sgt~ dpt snap sket jek~

Siap letak menu agi~ merapik tol~

Ni la ayah saye ;)

Ni lak mak saye :D

Ni kakak saye yg ict tu~

Pompuan kalu x snap gambar kat toilet x sah haha~

3 of the sisters~

Souvenir time tuh~ kueh tart, bekas apetah, and coklat bapak superb~ sedap sehhh~~

Overall ok la. Walaupn nk tunggu time nk mkn tu bapak lame. Dtg kul 8.00 tp dpt mkn kul 9.30. Perut da bunyik2 lagi nk tunggu renjis2 la, org nyanyi la, menari2 agi. Tp superb la yg nyanyi tuh. Kumpulan Johara kut name. X kesah la huhu. Mmg sedap siot suara pompuan tu. Cam suara Siti Nurhaliza. And pengantin pompuan mmg cantek abes la~ sgt chinese look oo~ dua pupu aku je pon hoho~