Love. Relationship. Strange for me.

Turning someone down was rather one of the hardest thing for me to do. I just don't really like the feeling when I know someone do have his heart for me, but unfortunately, I don't have the feel for him, I just hate the feeling of turning him down. It's like, you know, although I don't have any feeling towards that person, that particular person is also a human, like me, and he has feelings too. I just really, really, really hate to turn anyone down.


Whenever I found out that there's someone out there has feeling for me, but I don't feel a thing for him, I will automatically try to avoid him. Jahat, sangat jahat aku rasa bila aku tahu aku tak suka dia, tapi aku masih layan dia. Jahat untuk aku masih terima layanan baik dia. Bagaikan aku bagi positive respond kat dia. It's not good you know. I don't why there are some girls who are actually really mean, and heartless, untuk mempergunakan orang yang suka kat dia. Aku tak suka begitu.






But somehow if I know someone likes me, and I do like him too, it's a difficult thing for too. Know why? Cuz it's a really strange thing to throw myself in the romance mood. I never felt that before. So I just don't know how it feels. Okay, to tell you guys the truth, yes, I am afraid to be in a relationship. I am afraid to get use to that kind of thing. Just to imagine being in a relationships, enough to scare me. Yes, it scares me. I'm not really sure if I am capable enough to develop those romance feeling with a guy. 


So, right now, I just (maybe?).. feels safe and comfortable in being single. Probably, I'm not sure. Cuz I really don't think that being in a relationship is an easy task for me. I just need a man, in the future, that can lead me towards all these. I just need that kind of man. Yes, those who can lead. You can call that the ideal man for me. So, just until that man comes into my life, I will just wait. And when that man shows up, I'll probably open up my heart, even slowly, and then, insya Allah, will not close it forever =)


p/s: ohhh, post ni. tak leh blah. hahaa. ok2, pengaruh cerita "We Got Married". But still, those words that were uttered up there, adalah ikhlas dari hati aku :)